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It’s hard to get a person to open up, unless they feel like they have rapport with you. Why is empathy the secret to building a genuine connection with someone? Why is it so good to ask “what” questions, not “why” questions? How do all these points improve your relationships? On this episode, Dr. Debra Dupree is back to share more brilliant verbal ninja moves that will improve your emotional intelligence.

Trust is the foundation of every relationship, and we get to trust by being consistent and predictable to create stability.– Dr. Debra

Three Things We Learned


Think empathy, not sympathy

Sympathy comes from having the same experience as someone, but empathy is showing that you understand what they’re going through. It makes people feel heard, and that you recognize where they are. This is a powerful way to connect.


Ask what questions, not why question

You put people at ease when you ask what questions. Why questions can easily make someone defensive. You can very easily reframe your question by asking your question as a what and not a why. You are going to get a better answer that way.


Go from being unconsciously incompetent to unconsciously competent

At any given time, we’re unconsciously incompetent, we don’t know what we don’t know. We want to move towards being consciously incompetent so we can continue to build, and lead and grow. Ultimately we want to be unconsciously competent.

Key Quotes

Empathy is a surefire way of making a connection and diffusing conflict. – Dr. Debra Dupree

The agents who build trust and rapport will get the listing 90% of the time.– Matt Johnson

As individuals we all feel like our experiences are uniquely our own, so when you empathize you are acknowledging that, and also making them feel heard. Building rapport is all about building trust, building a connection and giving them the space to share their feelings and thoughts. If you can bring empathy, integrity, sincerity, compassion, and reliability to the table, you can get people to open up and that will create a very strong relationship and business.

Guest Bio

Debra has for years been fascinated with makes people tick, at work and at home. She became a therapist, a mediator, a professor and doctor of psychology. She is now a public speaker and author. To reach out to Debra and get her coaching materials go to or find her on Facebook


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